Questions On Dating And Marriage

Answer The gospel of Christ is very specific that sex is permitted only within the marriage bond. The word fornication is the all-inclusive term for sexual immorality. No one who practices immorality can enter into life (1 Cor. 6:9–10). However, the marriage relationship exists not just for the purpose of procreation (as some mistakenly teach) but also for the lawful satisfaction of the natural desires which God gave us. 1 Cor. 7:1–5 deals directly with this issue. Paul writes, "Because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband." As you can see, the argument in favor of marriage is based not upon procreation but upon the satisfaction of desire. It is a way to avoid immorality. In verses 8–9 the apostle acknowledges that there are advantages to remaining unmarried, but hastens to add: "If they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn" (meaning, burn with desire). The argument against birth-control maintains that marital sex is solely for the purpose of procreation. As we can see from this passage, that argument is false. Therefore, birth control itself is not sinful unless it interferes with life after conception. Abortion would be sinful because it presumes that human life doesn’t actually begin until birth. Abortion pills and even devices such as the IUD fall into this same category. One more thing: though the Scriptures present the case for sexual satisfaction as a reason for marriage, it is still true that God’s first command to His creation was to "be fruitful and multiply…" (Gen. 1:28). Young couples who are putting off having children for the sake of careers, financial gains, or worldly enjoyments should think twice about the direction of their lives. From a biblical perspective, one of the greatest fulfillments of a woman’s creative purpose is the bearing of children (1 Tim. 2:15). Contact Doug

Question 2. I know that fornication is a sin, but is any other sexual contact i.e. mutual masturbation between a non married man and woman a sin? Is it a sin for a person to masturbate?

Answer The Greek word for fornication is porneia (the New Testament was originally written in Greek). It is a broad term which carries the meaning of sexual immorality in general. Adultery is generally limited to illicit sex involving one or more married persons. Fornication is one of the sins of the flesh, but not the only one listed in the New Testament. For example, Galatians 5:19-21 lists the deeds of the flesh, and included among them are impurity and sensuality (some versions read lewdness or lasciviousness). Also, 1 Pet 4:3 reads, "For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles-- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries." As you can see, this passage lists thing that are sinful even though they may not include physical contact. The key word here is "lust." The word itself means a strong desire, but when used in the context of sin, it means a wrongful desire. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus taught that "whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Although the "outward" sin under consideration is adultery, the inward sin is lust. The point is, lust itself is sin, or at the very least it leads to sin (James 1:14-15). It is a sin of the heart. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 makes it plain that marriage is God's way of fulfilling one's sexual desires. I do not believe this is restricted simply to the conjugal act since sexual satisfaction is obtained to some degree in masturbation or by other means among partners. If there is another way to receive release from these passions other than through marriage, the Bible does not sanction it as far as I am aware. The same can be said of pornography and anything which awakens one's desire for sex. This may be one of the things (but certainly not the only one) which Paul refers to in 1 Cor 9:27 where he says, "I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified." Paul was never married.

This may not be a popular teaching by today's standards, but if we are to follow Christ, we must conform ourselves to His standard, not the world's (Rom. 12:2). Contact Doug

Question 3. What does the Bible say about dating and courtship and what are the guide lines, if any?

Answer Although the question is a practical one, the Bible does not give all the explicit guidelines that we might look for. However, it does reveal some principles that we should follow if we are presently or considering being innovated in dating and possibly marriage.

1. We should avoid all situation, whether married or not, that might lead us to commit sexual sin; premarital sex, adultery if we are married and so on. The Bible teaches that the only lawful relationship for sexual action is marriage. Therefore, when dating, we must avoid all situations where we might be tempted to engage in fornication.

1CO 6:18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
1CO 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
1CO 6:20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
1CO 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
1CO 7:2 But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
1CO 7:3 Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
1CO 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
1CO 7:5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

2. The principles of the highest form of love (not sexual) must be practiced whether we are dating or married. The Bible tells us how we should treat one another, in an unselfish manner that comes from our will to act with the highest love toward another. This love is described by Paul.

1CO 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
1CO 13:5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
1CO 13:6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
1CO 13:7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

3. In dating, we should determine whether we can work together with the individual we are dating, especially when it comes to serving God. To get serious about someone who would lead us away from God is a spiritual tragedy. And, to get serious about a person who is not willing to following Christian teaching in how husband and wife should behave leads to much heartache. Therefore, we need to determine, as much as we can, whether we can work in unity together to make the best marriage possible. This can only be done if both are willing to submit to God and His will.

EPH 5:22 ś Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
EPH 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
EPH 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her;
EPH 5:26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
EPH 5:27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.
EPH 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
EPH 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
EPH 5:30 because we are members of His body.
EPH 5:31 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.
EPH 5:32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
EPH 5:33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

4. We should understand the nature of the marriage commitment it is for life. When dating and eventually considering marriage, we must understand that the commitment is the most serious commitment we are going to make, next to our relationship with God. It should not be done in a casual or lighthearted manner.

MAT 19:3 ś And some Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?"
MAT 19:4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
MAT 19:5 and said,' For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh'?
MAT 19:6 "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
MAT 19:7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
MAT 19:8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
MAT 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Although there is nothing wrong with dating and dating many potential mates, we must realize that God instructs those who desire to have sexual relations to marry. However, if we have already been married or divorced, we should beware getting ourselves into a situation where we might be continuously committing adultery with another. Marriage is given as a blessing from God for our good, if we follow His will in these things. Contact Gary

Question 4. What details the bible contains about marriage?

Answer In the Bible, we have all that we need to know about marriage. Rather than being a social convention implemented by men, marriage is a Divine arrangement that is best for individuals, families, societies and nations. Since God has created us, it is He who can best tell us how we should live and specifically about the nature, purpose and governing rules of marriage.

In the beginning, we come to understand the purpose of marriage. It is given to men and women, so that both can provide that which the other lacks. It is also given so there might be a stable environment for the raising of children. The man provides loving leadership while the woman provides loving submission and nurture to children.

GEN 2:18 ś Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."
GEN 2:19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.
GEN 2:20 And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
GEN 2:21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place.
GEN 2:22 And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
GEN 2:23 And the man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."
GEN 2:24 For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
GEN 2:25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

The order of the home where the man is charged to be the head of his wife and the wife is to be submissive to the man is of Divine origin and reflects the basic relationship between the Father and Jesus. Although the man is to be head, he should manifest love toward his wife. And although the wife should be submissive, she should be able to openly communicate and participate in the relationship, not as inferior but as a fellow heir to the grace of life.

1CO 11:3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

EPH 5:22 ś Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
EPH 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
EPH 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her;
EPH 5:26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
EPH 5:27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.
EPH 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
EPH 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
EPH 5:30 because we are members of His body.
EPH 5:31 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.
EPH 5:32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
EPH 5:33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

GAL 3:26 For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.
GAL 3:27 For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.
GAL 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
GAL 3:29 And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise.

As to the duration of marriage, God intended that men and women, when once married, stay together for life. The only exception given to this is if one of the mates commits fornication (sexual relations with another besides the mate). However, too often, when sin invades a marriage and divorce is contemplated and then remarriages, it can become almost impossible to sift out the situations so that we truly know whether it is "right" to remarry. However, the Scriptures that we must understand and apply are found below.

ROM 7:1 Or do you not know, brethren (for I am speaking to those who know the law), that the law has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives?
ROM 7:2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband.
ROM 7:3 So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man.
ROM 7:4 Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, that we might bear fruit for God.

MAT 19:3 ś And some Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?"
MAT 19:4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
MAT 19:5 and said,' For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh'?
MAT 19:6 "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
MAT 19:7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
MAT 19:8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
MAT 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
MAT 19:10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry."
MAT 19:11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.
MAT 19:12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

MAT 5:31 "And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce';
MAT 5:32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

1CO 7:10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband
1CO 7:11 (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away.
1CO 7:12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away.
1CO 7:13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away.
1CO 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
1CO 7:15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
1CO 7:16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Marriage is one of the most serious aspects of life we can consider because it affects more than just one life, but many. We should carefully consider our actions of either entering into marriage or trying to end a marriage and start another in light of these Scriptures. They are challenging to our understanding and also to knowing how to apply them. Contact Gary

Question 5. In these fast-paced days of working women, the bible passages (Paul's letters to the churches) clearly state that wives must submit to their husbands and shall not overrule them. My wife, as many do, has a big problem with this. We both are trying to follow the bible, but she feels that God should somehow make an exception to this rule for today's working women.