Questions On Dating And Marriage (3)

Question 11. I'm trying to find out how God feels about a woman living with a man without being married to him? We were married for 14 years then divorce, however we were only apart 6 months. Since this we have lived together for 11 years.  Did God recognize our divorce?

Answer Of course God condemns fornication and adultery. You know that. Many passages on that, starting with Matthew 19.

From what you have said I cannot find fornication or adultery in your relationship.

If there are other, complicating details, then you need to consider your responsibilities in those areas. Again, Matthew 19 is a good place to start.

My advice to you is to obey the law of the land:

Rom 13:1-6 (NAS) 1 Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. 2 Therefore he who resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. 3 For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same; 4 for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath upon the one who practices evil. 5 Wherefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience' sake. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for {rulers} are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing.

As Christians, we are bound to submit to the local civil law, except of course where it tells us to violate God's law.

And as the local laws have provisions for marriage and divorce, I think it would be a good idea to get married again. Not that you have to go through a lot of hoopla and ceremony. (That word, "hoopla" is not in the Bible, probably not in Webster's either.) Some people do, but a simple justice of the peace thing could make your marriage "legal" in the sight of the law of the land. I think it would be worth doing.

As you well know, marriage involves a committment to each other and to God. Right now, in a way you are not so committed. I think God would be pleased to have you and your husband to commit to your marriage.Contact David

Question 12. What book in the bible deals with wedding vows?

Answer There is no passage in the Bible that deals with wedding vows as you hear them today. What passages there are that deal with marriage concern how long a couple should stay together and the reasons one spouse may "put away" (divorce) the other.

In Genesis 2, Moses wrote:

23And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

24Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. The Holy Bible, New King James Version, (Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, Inc.) 1982.

This was quoted again in the New Testament by Christ in Matthew 19:

1Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. 3The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 4And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5“and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” 8He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” The Holy Bible, New King James Version, (Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, Inc.) 1982.

Basically, the wedding vows you hear today are founded on this belief, although the soaring divorce rate indicates that too many people don't believe what they're saying.   Contact Michael

Question 13. About those who have lived together and one of them accepts the Lord, while other partner is on way to acceptance but still doubtful. Should they separate?

Answer Are they married?  Then NO they should not separate (unless one or both of them have had previous marriages, and subsequent divorces not for the cause of adultery which Christ discusses in Matthew 19, and results in their present relationship being an adulterous one).

1 Pet 3:1-4 1       Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2       While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3       Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4       But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  (KJV)

Christ condemned divorce in Matthew 19.  Separation is often a precursor to divorce.  Separation does not often strengthen the bond between husband and wife, but weakens it.  If they stay together, perhaps the reluctant one can be persuaded by the example of the Christian to investigate further and become a Christian also.

Are they not married (or has one or both of them have had previous marriages, and subsequent divorces not for the cause of adultery which Christ discusses in Matthew 19, and results in their present relationship being an adulterous one)?  Then YES they should separate.

Not married?  They should separate to stop comitting fornication. 

Gal 5:19-21 19      Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20      Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21      Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.   (KJV)

One who has accepted the Lord must repent of his/her sins, and fornication is a sin.   To obey the gospel of Christ, and to continue to commit fornication, indicates no repentance.

Luke 13:3 3       I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. (KJV)

Unlawfully married in the eyes of God?  They should separate to stop comitting adultery.  Christ's teaching on marriage, divorce and adultery is clear:

Matt 19:3-9 3       The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4       And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5       And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6       Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 7       They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8       He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9       And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.   (KJV)

Christ said here that divorce, except for the cause of fornication, is adultery.   One who has accepted the Lord must repent of his/her sins. Adultery is a sin.   To obey the gospel of Christ, and to continue to commit fornication or adultery, indicates no repentance.

Christ Jesus made it clear in Matthew 19 that divorce is sin against God, and is forbidden except in one case -- and that is for the cause of adultery. Otherwise, divorce is adultery and is sin against God, just like stealing, and cannot be erased by just saying "I'm sorry," or even by being baptized for the remission of sins.   Of course God will forgive us of the sin of adultery, just as He will forgive us of any sin, if we repent of that sin.  But to repent of the sin of adultery, we cannot continue to live with the second wife and continue to have sex.  Each time is another adultery.

This really gets confusing when there are multiple marriages involved, as is so often the case today.  But the solution is to go back to the origin.  My father-in-law preached in Africa about 50 years.  I heard of a situation over there where a chief, who had several wives, when he was taught God's requirements on marriage to only one wife, solved his problem.  He kept wife #1, and the other six or eight he no longer had any sexual relations with; but he took care of their living expenses and their children's living expenses, because they were his reponsibility.  This chief repented, and fulfilled his responsibilities to God.  Contact David

Question 14. if sex consummates a marriage, aren't there lots of people who don't know they are married to the person they slept with and have mutilple wives/husbands?  Is a wdding ceremony necessary?

Answer  Sex does not create a marriage. The Bible uses three terms for sex, all of which are defined in Hebrews 13:4:

4Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

We are to obey the laws of the land (Romans 13), and in order to be recognized as a husband and wife, most states require a marriage license & ceremony. Those that recognize common-law marriages, I think, require a couple to live together for quite a while before they are considered married. That's several years of living in fornication, which is condemned in many places throughout the Bible.

Fornication does not become marriage. Fornication is a sin and continues to be a sin as long as two people practice it. However, if they get married, then the bed is "undefiled." Contact Michael